10 Talk

Aperture Science Business Magnet

2012!!!!!!!!
Hey, it's the Combine!
The name goes right under here. It just doesn't fit in that lame spot.
(2012) Aperture Science Business Magnet
Session #256 (test session of Sburb 1.0, predecessor to, as well as a part of, Session #257)
Echeladder
Chumhandles	aperturescienceBusinessmagnet (OOC)
Chumhandles	combineOverseer
Officially calls himself	the Evil Lord of Aperture Science
Officially calls himself	the Fan Fiction Writer of the 22nd Century
Gender	Male
Host/Client	Self (the session has only one player)
Land	Land of The Fake Community-Made
Consorts	Not found yet (or, since the wiki does not care about temporal features of it, for any time)
Dreamer of	Prospit (he has a portal to Derse here so that doesn't matter)
Specibi	portalDeviceKind (holding the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device in three forms: blue portal-only, orange portal-only and full)
	zapperKind (holding the NES Zapper)
	More coming soon...
Sprite	The GLaDOS in 1,600,000, long dead (Sburb 1.0 time-travel feature) + a NES Zapper light bullet = GLaDOSsprite / The Kernelsprite Version of GL@DDA Magnet
Sprite	GLaDOSsprite "AND" 0ver5e3r captcharoid (alchemization) = 0ver5e3r-sprite / The Kernelsprite Version of Contine Overseer
Residence	The house and the surrounding Pyramid Structure (which is actually four bars) he bought in 2011
Other details	Right below.
Some more lame shit I added to the ~~For~~ 2012 Apocalypse(s) (like a billion of them) template
Exile	3007 Business Magnet: After weird time shit yet to occur after dealing with the whole Sburb 1.0 system he just said "fuck it" and time-travelled to 2999. You're asking why he is the 3007 Business Magnet then? Fuck it. (Actually, this is a page about both that time and 2012, so really. Fuck it.)
Sylladex	Hash Map, downloaded as a torrent that was uploaded by Dave Strider (NO NO NO NOT THAT STRIDER) himself.
Sylladex	Fetch Modus Balltal: The 8th Swellennium, an alchemization (look left) of a Portal: The 4th Millennium button and Future Vriska Serket's 8-Ball Modus.
Room Graffiti	Various schemes corresponding to various actual schemes in 3007 Aperture Science Madmanic Inventions Bureau; for example, the world map depicts what territories are in control of Aperture Science and what are in control of Black Mesa
Mental Block	Can be best described as "a genius encased in a maniac", has shown knowledge on many topics and mental abilities yet completely avoids social (real life) contact, and any social contact would end in him killing the other talker.

Social
Family	Both parents and a brother that he is rather elusive when talking about
Matesprit	GL@DDA Magnet (31st century)
Kismesis	interdimensionalPortaller
Auspistice	Between irenicPie and Sburban Kizzsprite
Moirail	Contine Overseer (31st century)

This article is about to be split into Aperture Science Business Magnet (21st century) and Aperture Science Business Magnet (31st century) pages. Please wait.

You may have been redirected to this page from the Business Magnet's eRepublik Official Wiki account. To go back, just go back, dammit!

(The) (3007) Aperture Science Business Magnet ("Aperture Science" verslo magnetas in a lammer language which calls itself Lithuanian but is really just an upgrade of the one.lt language), or Test Subject #1410 (#1498 is Chell "Wensta" Johnson) is the evil lord of Aperture Science. He has been on five Portal mapping communities, namely ThinkingWithPortals, msleeper.com, mySurvivalSpot, mAL Off Topic and TheCakeisaPie. He plays a major role in Portal: The 4th Millennium but only plays a "cameo" role on its sequels.

The Aperture Science Business Magnet walked away. And now. The Aperture Science Business Magnet.

- An excerpt from the part that does not belong to the fan fiction but rather belongs to Action 52 (also known as us)

Now go ask him something.

1 A bare bones introduction of the 2012 version
- 1.1 Fun facts
2 Roleplaying
3 Someone: Introduce this character.
4 The article: Quickly become more like what you are supposed to be.
5 Alchemization shit
6 Gallery

A bare bones introduction of the 2012 version Edit

The (2012) Aperture Science Business Magnet, or at least some Lithuanian guy who has the ass to forget his real LITHUANIAN name and call himself like THAT, is, again, some 16 year old Lithuanian guy playing Sburb. But no, he doesn't play the beta that has already been published worldwide (EXCEPT OF COURSE LITHUANIA), no, he has to write his own "fuller" version and play IT.

The Business Magnet / whoever he is lives in some nonexistant place in Lithuania, formerly known as Village Meškučiai, Marijampolė Municipality, which is probably the most peaceful place in the world. Or it WOULD BE, if the aforementioned Business Magnet wasn't being constantly chased by the police for nothing that he MAKES UP BECAUSE he is chased by the police. This would later lead to an entire conspiracy theory known as The Death Day of the Business Magnet.

So, he goes play Sburb, gets to the Incipisphere, is forgotten on Earth, later has an ~~alternate~~ corrupted version of himself go overpsyche and eliminate the Combine from the context, while his original self just stays as he is until he becomes the Business Magnet who is the evil lord of Aperture Science blah blah blah.

Fun facts Edit

The Business Magnet learned about Homestuck and Sburb from this other future arachnid's grip and his kernelsprite who are about to take over the Incipisphere, which makes him (ASBM) write Sburb 1.0 and go take over it himself.

The Business Magnet is the only player of Sburb in the Eastern Hemisphere. Since his version is modified, there are no players of Sburb Beta in the Eastern Hemisphere, no matter how far to the west (Jade Harley) or the east (Kizzycocoa) they are.

The Business Magnet is the "fan fiction writer of the 22nd century". He established this fact by writing and completing Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time, and then sort-of challenged himself against ten other people, which led to Project: Midnight.

The Business Magnet's birth day is actually made up: April 30 as in the 4th millennium, 30**.

The Business Magnet tends to use a more harsh vocabulary than most other people (silly -> stupid, crazy -> insane, etc.)

The Business Magnet is doomed, AND?

The Business Magnet is an extraterrestial being that was created by Skaianet. That is because there were meteors in his ectobiology process but no ectobiology.

Roleplaying Edit

The Business Magnet played three characters other than him in total, which are 0ver5e3r / Contine Overseer, Chell Johnson and irenicPie.

Someone: Introduce this character. Edit

Your name is the APERTURE SCIENCE BUSINESS MAGNET.

Actually it isn't. That will become your name when you travel through time and end up at the ruins of Aperture Science facilities right before the 4th millennium, which you will call "the Aperture Science Golden Age." But just let's assume it is your name.

Additionally, let's assume we won't say "Aperture Science Business Magnet" like idiots, and instead just call you "the Business Magnet" and give you commands referring to "ASBM."

And even more additionally, you at this point in the timeline will be called "the 2012 Business Magnet." (At this point, I want to say that this wiki just doesn't care at what point in the timeline this character is and assumes that the 2012 and 3007 Business Magnets are the same entity.)

The article: Quickly become more like what you are supposed to be.Edit

Okay, okay.

Today is MAY 14, 2012. (IT CLEARLY ISN'T!!!!!!!!) While your 16TH BIRTHDAY was 14 days earlier, this date is still OF IMPORTANCE to you. Today is the day you finally have finished making SBURB 1.0, a program based on a "VERY OLD ADVENTURE" written by one ANDREW HUSSIE. However, the adventure, called HOMESTUCK, featured only the BETA of the program, released APRIL 10, 2009, which is exactly 4 DAYS, 1 MONTH, 3 YEARS before NOW.

At any rate, SBURB and HOMESTUCK are only a few of your INTERESTS. You are more than a genius at MATHEMATICS, puzzling out the hardest of the THEOREMS. You have an interest in PROGRAMMING, however your PROGRAMS always tend to be FULL OF BUGS, and you REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY. Also, you are more than obsessed with PORTAL by VALVE SOFTWARE. At some time PORTAL 2 was released, and it's only one day after the release of PORTAL 2: EPISODE ONE. But it won't be after 2 DAYS until your SHITTY INTERNET will allow you to PLAY IT, and, since you intend to upload SBURB 1.0 to THE PIRATE BAY soon, it will delay by ONE MORE DAY, which, even with your SHITTY INTERNET, makes NO SENSE.

You also have some FRIENDS on the INTERNET with which you CHAT using PESTERCHUM APP mostly made by SHINMERA and ARMADA 2 YEARS AGO. That is because REAL LIFE CONTACT will only make you KILL THEM. Your chumhandle is aperturescienceBusinessmagnet (as if it wasn't obvious enough) and you Have only one problem in your typing, which is that you fail to employ periods
And whenever you need a new sentence, you just break the message

You also have a ROLEPLAY ACCOUNT on the APP. There your chumhandle is combineOverseer and y0ur le3t5pe4k tend5 t0 be a little bit unu5ual

Yeah, you don't use periods (and at all use BARELY ANY PUNCTUATION) when chatting as combineOverseer either.

Alchemization shit Edit

Today is the 1ST DAY OF THE 2ND MONTH OF THE 1ST POST-APOCALYPSE YEAR (JANUARY 18, 2013), and you ALREADY HAVE SHIT ALCHEMIZED.

Formula	Item	Cost	Description
Clothing
3007 Business Magnet's Outfit "AND" 2012: The Coming End of the World?	2012 Business Magnet's Outfit	Unknown	Is colored in the shades of yellow and brown, and makes you look like 0ver5e3r.
3007 Business Magnet's Outfit "AND" Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time	2107 Business Magnet's Outfit? (not alchemized)	Unknown	Let's face it, you're not even IN this time.
diceKind
Portal: The 4th Millennium button "OR" Fluorite Octet	Portallic Trimille-Septet	30073007300730073007300730073007 Gold	3007d3007, roll result is always 3007 3007s
Portal: The 4th Millennium button "OR" Catenative Doomsday Dice Cascader	Aperture Science Probability-Based Universal Devastation Gun	2.012e99 Build Grist	Much like original CDDC, always rolls 3007^2^3006 = 10^10^905.43751320431190331269773110941
Fetch Modii
Portal: The 4th Millennium button "OR" 8-Ball Modus	Fetch Modus Balltal: The 8th Swellennium Modus	8 Build Grist, 3007 Shale	Detailed description
Fetch Modus Balltal: The 8th Swellennium
Portal: The 4th Millennium DVD "AND" 8-Ball Modus	Fetch Modus Balltal: The 8th Swellennium DVD	30071009 Build Grist, 413 Shale, 612 Mercury	Like the original equivalent stuff, only with a million Vriskas everywhere. Causes a devastation on the corrupted timeline which permanently replaced Portal: The 4th Millennium stuff with equivalent stuff listed here
Portal 2: The Fake Community-Made Disc "AND" 8-Ball Modus	Fetch Modus Balltal 2: The Fake Alternian Trolliance-Made Disc	2010 Build, -111 Artifact
Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time "AND" 8-Ball Modus	Fetch Modus Balltal 2: The Most Stacked Queue of All Time	2107 Build, 10 Shale, 9 Mercury, 88888888 Quartz
Literary works
3007 Business Magnet's Outfit "OR" 2012: The Coming End of the World?	3007: The Coming Rising of the World?	Unknown	Discusses various risings of the world in 3000s. What the fuck. There's only ONE variant of the Apocalypses, and only ONE variant of the Aperture Science Golden Age.
Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time "AND" concept art for the sequel	Portal 2 Episode Two: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time Part Two	Unknown	Oh look, Sburb 1.0 wrote the sequel for you itself. Whatever. You'll just copy-paste it to your past self, who will copy-paste it to AO3.